Parenthood is a wild ride filled with incredible highs and some serious challenges, especially when it comes to having difficult conversations.
Families often find themselves juggling a whirlwind of emotions and pressures throughout the year. Whether it’s schoolwork, friendships, or personal struggles, there’s always something that dials up the stresses.
When they come to you with something heavy on their hearts, and we need to have difficult conversations, how you respond can make all the difference. Are you ready to hear what they have to say with your own set of stresses and worries bubbling away?
Making Conversations Flow
Sometimes, the best conversations happen when you’re side by side rather than face to face. Whether you’re cruising down the road or strolling through a park, the casual atmosphere can make it easier for your child to open up about their feelings, or tell you what’s been happening. The lack of direct eye contact can help reduce pressure, allowing them to share what’s on their mind more comfortably. Plus, being in motion, whether in a car or on foot, can shift your mood and invite deeper reflection. Just be ready for any “out of the blue” moments when feelings might unexpectedly surface. A simple chat during these moments can create a safe space for your child to express themselves, reinforcing that it’s completely okay to talk about what’s bothering them.
Top Tips on Managing Difficult Conversations:
Here are some game-changing tips to help you stay cool and supportive during tough conversations:
Breathe and Stay Composed
When your child opens up about something troubling, hit pause for a second. Take a deep breath before you respond. Your vibe sets the mood for the conversation. By keeping it calm, you let your kid know it’s a safe space to share. If you’re getting upset or overwhelmed, notice this. Try to stay focused on what your child is telling you, or maybe it’s that you both are feeling overwhelmed. It’s ok to pause the conversation for some self care. Take a break or get a snack, take a minute to recenter without ending the conversation.
Difficult Conversations; Time to Tune In with Active Listening
It’s time to tune out distractions. Put away your phone, turn off the TV or music, and give your child your undivided attention. Show you’re really listening by nodding, making eye contact, and using phrases like, “I get it” or “That sounds really tough.” It’s all about making them feel heard. If you’re not paying attention, you’ll miss the moment.
Go Deep with Open-Ended Questions
Encourage your kid to dive deeper into their feelings by asking open-ended questions. Instead of the typical “Was school okay today?” try something like, “What made today a little rough for you?” This invites them to share more and gives you a better understanding of what’s going on. This sounds easy enough to do, but when faced with an upset or angry child, it’s really hard to formulate great questions off the bat. Practice is the best way and always think before you speak.
Validate Their Emotions
No feeling is too small to validate. Even if you think their worries are minor, it’s essential to acknowledge their emotions.
Steer clear of dismissive comments like, “You’ll be fine” or “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, say something like, “I totally see why you feel that way, it sounds really tough” or “I can see this is really bothering you.” You don’t have to understand what they are feeling or even agree, but by naming it and not dismissing anything, you can be really powerful. This builds trust and helps them develop emotional resilience.
Seek to understand your kids’ feelings about what they are sharing before sharing your own thoughts and responses. Did they get an 88% on a test and feel thrilled or sad? Did they get asked out and feel happy about it or horrified? When we know what they are thinking and feeling about the issue, we can listen and respond more clearly. Don’t jump to a conclusion about their feelings based on your own.
Difficult Conversations and Your Own Triggers
Understanding your own emotional triggers is key to staying cool. Take a moment to reflect on the situations that tend to push your buttons or that feel scary. By recognizing these triggers, you can manage your responses better when conversations get intense. Remember, this is about them, not about you! Don’t take anything they say to be personal, again, this is harder than it sounds when you are in the midst of a conversation
Know When to Get Professional Help
What if alarm bells and ringing and red flags are being raised? Sometimes your child might need a little extra support. If you notice lingering signs of anxiety, sadness or anger, don’t hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional. Any talk of suicide or self harm or wishing they were gone are cries for help. You know your family and your child so listen to your intuition. It’s important to remember that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Set Up a Communication Framework
Create a system for your child to express their needs more clearly. Encourage them to signal when they just want you to listen versus when they’re looking for advice. Simple phrases like “Can I just vent?” or “Can you help me figure this out?” can streamline communication and strengthen your bond. You don’t have to have the answer; it’s okay to say, “I don’t know, can I get back to you?” Our job as parents is not to fix every situation; sometimes we just need to provide them the space so they can figure it out themselves.
If you tend to be a problem-solver, try to notice when you might be missing the feelings underneath. If you tend to be more of an emotional responder, pay real attention to whether you are missing facts or responding in a way that might take over the situation. The key tip here is to know yourself and keep learning and adapting.
Building Resilience in Families
Understanding that emotional ups and downs are part of growing up is crucial for helping your children build resilience. Every conversation is a chance to equip them with the coping skills and emotional savvy they need for life’s challenges.
If this resonates with you, let’s team up to create a nurturing environment where everyone, parents and kids alike, can thrive.
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Remember, we don’t have to have all the answers, and seeking support is part of the journey. Embrace the adventure of parenthood, it’s a wild ride worth taking!
Audacious Therapy for Anxious Kids with Claire Eliassen, LPC
I specialize in supporting families and children. If this blog piece resonated with you here are some ways I could work with you. Book a discovery call and together, we can explore strategies that work for you and your family, helping you create a nurturing environment where everyone, including you, can thrive.
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